I’m far from an expert when it comes to navigating the bacchanal that is Winter Music Conference. HOWEVER, as a Miami native, I can vouch for certain things that tend to appear every March. These are their stories. (In GIFs, because all any of our minds can handle this week is one sentence at a time.)
We can tell whether you live here or not.
What the tourists look like:
How the locals feel:
It’s. So. Damn. Expensive.
When the prices for Ultra tickets went up:
When you’re the only one in your group without a full-time job:
When the event promised an open bar…
…but when you get in, there’s definitely no open bar.
And the cocktails are $19.
Be ready for lots of primping, planning, and scheduling.
When you’re getting ready to go out:
When you try to squeeze lots of events into each day:
When you hate the DJ your friend wants to see:
Or if you’re the only person there who likes the headliner:
When you finally get to the stage but have no idea who’s playing:
When all your friends disappear by the time you stop dancing:
Make sure to treat your body right.
Ultra is even giving out free bottled water this year.
They want you to think it’ll look like this:
But it’ll actually be more like this:
Pack snacks in case you forget to eat until you’re in line at the club.
There are three types of people at WMC.
Those who you suspect are on drugs:
Those who are definitely on drugs:
And those who are sober, but all of their friends are on drugs:
There will be some great dancers.
But far more bad ones.
Good news: you don’t have to move too much to look like you know what you’re doing.
But whatever you do, never forget you’re still in public.
When you see an undercover cop wandering the venue, be this guy:
Not this guy:
Furthermore, when told to keep face, try to look like this:
Everyone will be equally exhausted by the end of the week.
When a friend tries to convince you to keep going:
When you go back to the real world:
People may look at you funny when you tell stories about the week.
But was it worth it?
And what about next year?